Kid Bugs

Ron'll gonna geddit now!

2008-07-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

A PLAY FOR YAS!

Several peoples say dat thur kidsa gone missin' at McDonalds. This pic was snapped at the scene. Ronald McDonald is the prime suspect, and Burger King shall solve this sudoku puzzle.

Detecter Burger King: Mr. McDonald, Do you know anything about the missing children?

Ronald: Heck no! I don't do nuttin' to kids but fatten 'em up with my delicious Happy Meals!

Burger king: Then what were you doing to this child in da pic, before she "magically disappeared"?

RMD: Well, uhh.... *sweats* I was gonna give her a happy meal, duh!

BK: So who snatchied 'er, ay?

RMD: Er-! Eh, uh, IT WAS WENDY! I MEAN IF YA KEEP SAYIN "OMG OUR BURGERS AREN'T FROZEN, BETTA THAN FAST FOOD" DON'TCHA THINK PEOPLE'RE GONNA-

BK: Ronald, I find that-... What's that?

RMD: Uh, what? *Shoves sack in pocket* I don't see nothin'.

BK: Was that a sack?! And a pretty bulgy one at that?! THAT SEEMED TO BE KICKING AND CRYING FOR HELP?!

Yesh, Ronald's sack WAS screaming and scrabbling. BK snatches the sack from RMD and opens it up. Immediately, hundreds of children scramble out and run out the door, wailing.

BK: What do you have to say about THIS, eh, Ronald?

RMD: Aw, dangit! YOU'LL NEVAH CATCH ME COPPAHS!!!!

Ronald stupidly jumps out of the 91th story window (Hollerin' "I'M LOVIN' IT BABY!") to his death, of course, with a big *CRACK!!!*

BK: Well, that's that! HAVITCHOWAY!

FIN!

RAINBOW!

2008-02-13T15:43:00.001-08:00

I'm in a rainbow! Okay, so that was probably my lamest idea ebber, BUT IT MADE ME FEEL GOOD! First, here's a safety lesson: Never go to the end of a rainbow, 'cuz there'll be a buncha short peoples dressed in green, slashin' their little maces at ya, saying "AAAAARGH! GET AWAY FROM ME POT O' GOLD, YEE LANDLUBBER!". Well, I just made that up. Piece of pie? Too bad. *munch* So, now what? Rainbows are MYTHS. Y'know that? No? You just saw one outside? Dang!

The GOOD people!

2008-01-22T14:50:00.000-08:00

A good person..... Fails their science quizzes. A good person.......Is shorter than me. r gn,.camfscjxnhhvsjgnhjdkvchnksgchierluraclm. A good person.... Knows what the heck I just said. Ha ha! I just got into one o' those Hitler phases. What I'm saying here is that I think people who are taller than me, people who are smarter than me, and people who get me confused with a CD player cannot find out how many licks it really takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop because they can only do easy stuff ( The things I listed were easy to do). I , however DO fail my science quizzes! I AM shorter than me, whatever that means, and I DO want a CD player (Quick fact: People always tell me about their iPods, and all I can say is, "I don't even have my own headphones! I know - it's sad. *Sniffle*). I AM THE GREATEST! YOU GIVE ME THE SNIFFLES! YOU GIVE ME THE STICKIES!( Ew, I'm all old n' sticky!) I don't know why, but I wants to lick an antelope's claw.

A story to relish!!!

2008-01-03T14:40:00.001-08:00

STORY TIME!!!! Griffy Kigger once loved relished pickles with popcorn, but that all changed one day. He was shopping at the mall with his best buddy, Johnny (Yes, the same Johnny with the elephants and ol' geezey AS SEEN in one of my older poststststststsss....) and they stopped at HOT TOPIC to buy a Telly Tubbies T-shirt, and Johnny's all like, "Hey, I bet these tubbies would go good with some relish." And Griffy's all like, "Hey, that's just not right, man!" But Johnny convinced him that they wouldn't be cannibals if the thing they ate wasn't human and so they went to McRelish. Of course, the un-souled workers refused to pour relish on their shirts. Instead, They got pickles and popcorn with 53 pounds of relish poured on. Griffy sucked and slurped on his pickle piece, but he just couldn't choke it down! He finally did, though, and threw up all over some old lady's armor armour amor amr tnwcqiun! It turns out that the pickle piece was a little sewer mouse that was all pink 'cuz it just got borned! And boy, was this old geezer cranky! Johnny had tried to make her stop cussin' and yellin', but nothing worked. Instead, Johnny evacuated the mall and grabbed Griffy, who was scarred for life.

So, as you can see, Griffy still loved sticks of butter out of the jar, but not relished pickles n' popcorn.

Pizza year!

2007-12-30T19:25:00.000-08:00

Did all you little ants have a bad Christmas? I hope so! Now, it's time for you mortals' new year! Of course MY new year comes on Dronchember 95th, but I'm here to play with YOU little ant mortals! Reasons why I'm happy about all this year changin': 1. Writing 2007 or so /so /07 has been a big pain! 2. I get to stay up 'til 12:00 a.m.! 3. I could really use a chocolate muffin right now. And last, AND least, I can spend time with my famiwy! (Yeah, right! I'd rather make friends with a mushy mushroom slug and invite it over for dinner! Actually, that's not such a bad idea... hmm...) Still, I don't really WANT it to be 2008 either 'cuz writing that dumb little 8 is hard, too! What will I DO when the pizza comes? Shoot!

Joke:(Oh, now I'm a joketser now!) Why do only naughty little kids(brats) make snowmen in January?

Answer: ( What now, a wiseman?!) 'Cuz the eyes are made outta COAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Doy! This is like a big lecture from my boss! P.S. My boss is a soda can....)

......

2007-12-19T18:06:00.000-08:00

..... Look VERY closely... Lyrics: Person 1: YOU got da powah, Frodo, young grasshoppah! Use it wisely. Person 2: I'm not Frodo! And all I did was earn 12 bucks from my lemonade stand. Person 1: Well, STILL! Person 2: Fine, I'll take you to the ice cream shop. Person 1: YAY! Boxy thingy that you see in graphic novels like Spiderman or something to tell the setting or time, which I really hate: Later.... Person 1: For the road! Person 2: OLE! Me: ...............

Elephants gone hiploojika!

2007-11-25T08:05:00.000-08:00

I've finally decided to show ya one of my doo'les! If you have laser vision, you can see what this green - haired chick's - heh heh... She's a baby chicken - shirt says . If you don't have special vision in your head, Let me give ya a few words o' wisdom. Her shirt says, "Come see the elephants". But she's not happy 'cuz when she saw the elephants at the zoo, they was ATTACKTING A OL' MAN 'CUZ HE HAD A HERSHEY BAR! At the moment she didn't have a hershey bar, but it's kind of freaky, scary, and weird when you see an ol' geezey geezer being eaten by an angry elephant... In her head, Johnny (That's the kid's name) was thinkin', "Whoa... Cool.... Gross..... Say, I want some pet toads...." Soon, the ol' geez' got throwed up and looked like a tomato... So Johnny gave him a lift to the cake shop and bought a choco - triple quintuple double chocolate muffin 'cuz she was on a diet. The ol' geez' just sat down and chewed on his toe.... The end! I'm gonna show you more doo'les sometime....

Thanx for g'vin'!

2007-11-17T05:18:00.000-08:00

Holy crow! Thanksgivin' is gonna like.. BE HERE SOON! I hate turkey, but I want a HUGE one 'cuzzzzzzzzz it'll make me look RICHIE RICH! I'm poor.... Anyways, I want corn there, chips, soda, a laptop, Eye Clops, Tinker Toys, a BB gun,... Oops, wrong holiday! Anyways again... I hope I get da soler (solo) in my Thanksgiving Concert to sing "ABCs"! There's a lot of people I should thank, but..... Look, I've got, like 50 relatives, no, KIN, just 'cuzzzz it's a fun word..., so I'll never get around to thanking them ALL. It's like, Mom, thanks for havin' me, Grandma, thanks for havin' Mom... GEEZZZZZZZZZ! I think I'll type random letters for a while.....

fwemp;ldvgflbjh,mn,vdfmjcycshhzjjkjdskgfkfnnbchdfmsamdsjjaf hhj lg siruwjsgk,hfslk djkgjak j

'Kay, I'm done! Well, I'll bring some Jilri Pepper to my aunt's house when I go there. I guess I'll also thank the VERY VERY few people who read my blog for livin'. Don't die! See you next ksjjjejellg!

Ted with da red and da quartah...Nyah

2007-11-04T18:14:00.000-08:00

Have ya evah just, like, LOOKED at a quarter without being hypnotized by the fact that they're so darn HUGE, like the size of my dad's stomach after da BIG BUFFET? See Theodore Roosevelt on de covah, and his pet fish on de back. Sure, ev'ryone's tellin' ya that it's George Washin' machine, and an eagle, and that you smell like a new bow tie - but BY JELLY SANDWICH, I'M RIGHT! MORTALS! SHEESH! Now, here's my bloggly crazy tale... See, one day, as Teddy Bear Rose of Belt was at the supermarket with his pet fish, Mary Joe, he suddenly felt the need to do somethin' CRAZY! So, he DOVE into Mary Joe's fishbowl! "Whoa Nellie!" he said. "Huh- why'd I do that again?" And now he has a spiky mustache to mark that one faithful day! Today, as you resist the bigness of your quartah, say to the head on ze covah, "Yo." Now, look at Teds pictah(picture) on the side, and remember to read the comics daily. Pe@ce!

Halloweenie pickle jar!

2007-10-17T17:11:00.000-07:00

OMG! It's Halloween time down in Whoville. Never mind the Grinch- you get the idea. If YOU- yes, you, you big galoot!- are plannin' on going twick orw tweeting, here's some stuff YOUS NEEDS TA KNOW! Numba one - make sure your bag can hold 25473819374 kil0 - pounds o' candy, so when you're done, you can steal some more. Twooooooooot... Two: If your costume really STINKS, change into your bathing suit at the last second - why your bathing suit, you ask? So you can be the chick in "The Curse of Hollotta Lagoon". If you're a guy, da story's much more fun ta tell. Twee, da magic numba - Just in case the people are away from their house, always carry around some toilet paper - he heh... - um, to write "Happy Halloween!" on! Then, stick it on their door! ( O' course, I'd much rather T.P. their house like my uncle Maria's room, but... Heh, come on, that's illegal! Ttt! I mean, as much as I hate to do the right thing, I can't have a buncha kids runnin' 'round the place, doin' illegal stuffs! I'd go to jail!) One last thing - when you get home and still not satisfied with your candy, change your costumes, and go ALL OVAH AGAIN, BABY! If you're a little older and are gonna pass out- oh yeah, and pass out da candy too, here are YOUR stuffs to know! First off, make sure you've got 25473819374 kilo - pounds o' candy, because there'll be tons of kids at your door, foaming at the mouth, and instead of saying a pleasant little "Trick or Treat!" like they used to, they'll either groan it, or just go straight for your candy. There's not much else to worry about, unless you have kids that come home that are so scared, they wet themselves or throw up on your stomach - there, I cannot help you, my friends! If you're of either age, you might be pumpkin carvers! True, the holiday's called HALLOW - een, but if you feel like makin' da jack of lanters with the mushy junk gunk still inside, I say Dude, you're crazy, but GO FOR IT, DUDE! Also, no one likes the normal ones that try to look scary, so how about makin' yours look like a pickle this year? It doesn't get more original than that! In the end of the Halloween stuffs... I dunno, watch a scary movie, stuff yourselves with candy, and go for a third round o' trick or treatin'! If your name is Bob, so is mine! If you like feet, so do I! If you think this is crazy, so do I! Never mind.

A picture's worth a thousand..... "WHAT THE HECK'S?"

2007-10-15T14:43:00.000-07:00

Take a look at this picture...Sheesh, he just had to take a leak! You don't have to get guns involved with this! OMG just wait.... I'm gonna tell you a tail.... Actually, it's just made up, but it's TRUE!See, this sewagement rat was sleepin' in his wittle beddy - bye sleeping... um, sack.... When ALL OF A SUDDEN....He had to wee wee wee wee wee.....Pee! Too many Jilri Peppers at Timmy's late night parties!(They were at, like, 7:02 to 7:04. Very late!) I TOLD him he was gonna make a whole lotta stinkies! Whole lotta? OMG! Hollotta! Well, anyways, he sneakied out of his sack, but TOO STINKIN' LATE, DUDE! DA PEOPLES O' JUSTICE POPPED OUT AND WHISKED HIM OFF TO BE THE TARGET AT THE SHOOTING RANGE! So, little childs, never eber sneaky out of your beddy - bye sack to pee when DA PEOPLES O' JUSTICE are around. Now, never eat your vegetables, always stock up on candy, and buy Jilri Pepper in your local Hollotta environment! Byes for now, PEOPLES O' JUSTICE!

DDDDDDOOOOOONNNNUUUUUTTTTTTSSSSSS!

2007-10-10T16:28:00.000-07:00

OMG! DONUTS! Everyone loves 'em, as they love to eat fish scales! But, how the heck did donuts first come to this world? HUH?!?! Well, it's quite simple, ya's see. The aliens and their korean peoples once took a sheep, and used their meat-oh, that's fun to say... He he he....Meat...-and used barbie dolls to make the 7 shape, creating da BBBBBBAAAAASSSSSEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, they used squid skin for frosting, and fingernails for sprinkles! (Yeah, THAT'S what your eatin', and why your uncle Maria is always nagging about eating something healthier. ) Now, jelly filled? Oh, that's an EASY one. They use frogs for those. But, they taste good, and give you unhealthy energy, plus.....Uh, I dunno.... Extra fat? Look at this pretty picture now! This dude has just consumed his disgusting excuse of a donut! See his long beard!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!! (Oh no! Da picture won't go through! Here's my submarine sandwich tute.......) ^_^ ^-^ * . * XP Uh oh! Looks like he hated the donut! Doughnut.....Donut.....Huh....

chips+grasshoppers=?

2007-09-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

So........................................................................................................What do grasshoppers and chips have in common? WELL..... They're both edible, but the grasshoppers are more helth y r! (are heathier) That's a real fact. Try a couple! PLUS....They are both...CRUNCHY! OH YEA!!! Has you smosh o le potateu sheep, (as you smash the potato chip)you hear a crunch, do you not? And as you smash the grasshopper you hear a crunch toooooooo!!!! Don't be stupid, of course you do. And.......(Big breath in) Theybothcanbelightlytoasted,salty,containjilripepper,getallpurple,andgrowteeth. *passes out* XP 5 hours later: Wow! I died until I got full of air again! Never try saying- you know-, real slow(like, 10 minutes per word) without taking a breath. Oh, and jilri pepper is the hollottan spice found only in my mind. It's very bad! Try some!^,^ So, potato chips are, like, the same thing as grasshoppers. Now, TOMATO chips are another story.....

Apples! Omg!

2007-09-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

Apples! Da apple fest! Good! umm... Apples have reigned the earth for more than 700000000000000000000000000000000 centuries. It's in fake facts weekly. DUH.... Apple flavored apples.... Apple flavored dolls..... My sister likes.....Mak-inn-tosh.... So, apples have made like, everyone their slaves. OMG SUCH INSANITY! CHATTY APPLES! bye....

Kid stuff!

2007-09-20T17:52:00.000-07:00

If you're an adult who likes blogging or reading about political junk, then you can just leave this blog right now. Because this blog is jock- full of bugs and kid stuff! Jokes, cartoons, listening to annoying parents complain about their jobs, and more! Starting now, get your kids and go to my blogs! I'm here all.....blah? Anyways, sit back, relax, and let the fun begin!